INFORMATION FOR PARENTS OF PREGNANT WOMEN
INFORMATION FOR PARENTS OF PREGNANT WOMEN
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Recently the Family Research Council designed and
commissioned a professional survey of women age 18-34
concerning pregnancy issues. Among the interesting findings
of the survey was the one in response to the question; who
would an unexpectedly pregnant woman turn to for help. Of
the women surveyed, 57% listed their mother as the first
person they would turn to, while another 16% listed
"parents" as their first choice. This represents a major
shift from the previous trend of turning to the boyfriend
first. This undoubtedly is placing many parents in a
situation for which they feel totally unprepared. We want
to encourage the parent who is in this position.
Many parents initially respond to the revelation of an unexpected pregnancy with a time of shock. They often feel very upset and disappointed. Most move past this first reaction to a place where they can begin to consider the different aspects of the situation and the needs of their daughter. At this point, a parent needs information. We are available to talk to parents who may need specific information or assistance in dealing with the situation. In addition, parents may want to check out WWW.GLPUB.COM, a web site dedicated to parents of pregnant daughters, for resources that may be helpful. The problems that an unexpected pregnancy brings fall into two major categories, the physical and the emotional aspects of the situation. The physical problems are the more practical and material aspects of the situation, such as financial and medical concerns. The emotional problems are related to the reactions to the pregnancy of the daughter and of those closest to her. Usually the more emotional issues must be dealt with first. The emotional problems may involve anyone close to the situation. Some daughters may be unable or unwilling to accept the reality of the situation and may need help to face the facts. Many daughters fear rejection from their parents and most need reassurance that her parents still love her. Often there are issues concerning the baby's father that arise with the discovery of a pregnancy that further complicate the situation. Many times there are several people in her life telling her different things to do and applying pressure. Having someone who is standing with her can mean the difference between her seeing the situation as a difficult responsibility or as an impossible disaster. Another emotional issue that parents may encounter is that of abortion. Some parents who are personally opposed to abortion may find that their daughter is planning to get one. This can lead to an extremely emotion-packed debate. Parents may feel at a loss as to how to understand their daughter's reasoning and motivation. The results of another recent study may shed some light on the subject. The Caring Foundation commissioned a professional research study on the psychology of pro-choice women. According to this study, women faced with an unplanned pregnancy, in particular the goal-oriented woman, sees it as a loss of control over the present and the future, a loss of dreams and goals, a loss of her sense of identity, and thus an equivalent to a "death to Self." The choice, as she sees it, is that either her life is over or the baby's life is over. This woman sees abortion as self-preservation. Often these young women are capable, self-sufficient, and resourceful. The parent needs to enter the discussion at the point of the perceived "death of Self" and convince these women that they can change their plans without changing their goals. They need to convince these women, who have often accomplished much, that they are capable of figuring out how to accomplish this as well. In the end, it is the daughter who must make the decision, and it is the daughter who must bear the consequences. There are many parents across the country who feel grief and personal loss over the decision of their daughter to abort. They may feel a personal sense of failure in not having been able to change her mind or of failing somehow as a parent because of not hearing about a pregnancy until too late. This parent needs to talk with others who have felt what they are feeling. We are willing to talk with that parent. When raising a child is not the best choice for a family, adoption should be seriously considered. It is difficult to talk about adoption with a pregnant daughter and usually she will say it would be too hard to give up a baby. Unfortunately, there is no easy solution to an unexpected pregnancy. It is difficult to raise a child, it is difficult to give up a child, and the aftermath of an abortion may be the most difficult of all for many women. (For more information on Post-Abortion Syndrome, please turn to our page called "After an Abortion.") At this point, the best interests of the child should be considered, as well as the many couples who are unable to have children, but would be willing and able to give a child love and a good home. In some cases, the daughter may decide to leave home for a while until after the baby is born. Bethany Christian Homes may be a possibility, and we can give information on this and several other options to anyone who would like more information. After the more emotional issues are worked through, the practical concerns come to the front. One of the first things parents usually ask about is the financial problem that a pregnant daughter brings to the family. In Maine, pregnant women are eligible for Medicaid through DHS. Most pregnant women are also eligible for WIC, a program to make sure infants and pregnant and nursing women get proper nutrition. The pregnant daughter may be eligible for TANF, food stamps, and subsidized housing. The Center can give a referral for these programs with a confirmation of pregnancy. Parents who are worried about their pregnant teenager finishing school need to know about programs in both Waterville and Augusta to help with this problem. In Augusta, Cony High School has a program, called Cony Extension School, up the hill from the regular school that is set up for teen moms to bring their babies to school. They will leave their babies in daycare provided on site and attend classes, some at that facility and some at the regular school. Maine Children's Home, in Waterville, also provides a similar program for a limited number of students. In addition to these programs, Central Maine Pregnancy Support Center exists to help young women and their families. Please, see the many services we offer on our services page. |
